Why do we spank robots

Susan A. Brooks, Chief Technology Officer at the Elysian Android and Robot Corporation (EARC), speech for new robot psychologists:

Many people has asked me why spanking robots is necessary. The answer is that spanking robots is not necessary but it’s nevertheless a good practice. Why?

EARC is unable to write programs for every possible function. And even we could, then most robots would be loaded with programs their owners simply don’t need. Instead of wasting precious memory space, we create robots that learn by trial-and-error.

This process is called machine learning. However, how does a robot knows it has made a mistake? By punishing wrong behavior, of course. Our robotic learning system allows owners to punish their servants through spanking.

By getting spanked the robot knows it has made an error and it has to change something. It is, however, necessary the owner informs his or her robot what mistake has been made before or during the spanking.

A second question is whether the duration and intensity of the spanking really matters. Of course, it does. Through the use of fuzzy logic, the duration and intensity informs the robot about the severity of the error. A light, short spanking indicates that the mistake is of lesser importance, while a long, harsh trashing signals a grave error.

Last but not least, spanking robots allows our company to make a little bit extra money through selling a wide range of spanking implements. Never forget, we are a for-profit organization. Selling assecoires is essential part of our business model.